Dimension 4 · How to build resilience · Children
Social cohesion
“Nobody can manage everything alone, and that is a good thing.”
What is it?
Cohesion means having people around you with whom you feel safe and accepted.
These are people you can trust, ask for help, or share joy with. They might be parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, teachers or coaches. There don't need to be many — sometimes one or two who you know will stand by you is enough.
Every person sometimes needs the help of others. When you are little, someone teaches you to walk. When you are learning to ride a bike, someone holds you. When you are sad, someone listens. That is how relationships work throughout life.
Being part of a group matters to people. Most of us want to belong somewhere — in a family, a class, a sports team or a group of friends. When we feel we belong somewhere, we feel more confident and stronger.
Why are relationships so important?
Imagine you are standing at the foot of a high hill. You might manage to climb it alone, but it will be harder. When you go with someone who encourages you, helps you or walks part of the way with you, it tends to be easier. Life works the same way.
Belonging somewhere
Cohesion is not just about a best friend. It is also about the feeling:
- "I have my place in the class."
- "The team includes me."
- "They look forward to seeing me at the club."
- "At home they love me even when I fail at something."
When we feel we belong somewhere, we cope more easily with changes, stress and setbacks. That is why it is important to build relationships and take care of them.
How do you recognise a good relationship?
In a healthy relationship:
- you can be yourself
- you don't have to pretend anything
- you can make a mistake
- you feel safe
- people treat each other with respect
- you help each other
A good friend is not one who always agrees with you. A good friend is one who treats you fairly and stands by you even when things are not going well for you.
How can you support others?
Many children think they need to have the perfect advice. They don't. Often something much simpler helps. For example:
- listen to a friend
- ask how they are doing
- invite someone to join in
- sit next to someone who is alone
- stand up for someone who is being hurt
- send a message: "Are you okay?"
Sometimes an ordinary little thing can change someone's whole day.
When it is hard to ask for help
Sometimes it is hard to ask for help. We might feel that we should manage everything ourselves or that we don't want to bother others. In reality, though, most people are happy to help, especially when they care about us.
What does cohesion have to do with resilience?
Resilience doesn't only come from inside a person. It also grows between people. Children with supportive relationships around them generally cope better with stress, changes, setbacks and demanding life situations. Not because they have fewer problems. But because they are not facing them alone. That is precisely why cohesion is one of the most important components of resilience.
Story: Sofie and Klára
Sofie and Klára had been best friends since first grade. But one day Sofie fell out with a group of girls in class over a misunderstanding. Everything changed all at once. She sat alone at break and felt as though the whole world had turned against her.
Klára noticed that Sofie was sad. She wanted to help, but it was not easy. She was afraid too. What if the others got angry with her as well? What if they stopped including her?
She thought for a long time about what she would do.
Then one day she sat down next to Sofie and simply said: Can I sit with you?
Sofie nodded. They sat together, chatted and laughed like before. Klára had not solved the whole problem. But she had shown Sofie that she was not facing it alone.
After a while the misunderstanding was cleared up and things in the class calmed down. But what Sofie remembered most was something else entirely — that when things were really hard, someone had stayed by her side.
Ten tips
What to remember
Nobody has to manage everything alone. When you need help, it is okay to ask for it.
Everyone wants to belong somewhere. Notice the people around you and help create an environment where nobody feels left out.
A good friend does not always need to have a solution. Sometimes it is enough just to listen and be nearby.
Do not be afraid to take the first step. Say hello, sit next to someone or invite them to join in. Even a small thing can mean a lot.
Talk to people you trust. Worries tend to shrink when you share them with someone.
Accept help as willingly as you offer it to others. Everyone needs support sometimes.
Relationships need care. Friendships and family bonds do not run by themselves.
Respect others even when they are different from you. Every person wants to be accepted as they are.
Mistakes and arguments can be repaired. An apology, an explanation or forgiveness can strengthen a relationship.
Be the kind of person that others feel good around. Those are exactly the people who help build strong and safe relationships.
Questions for reflection
Try asking yourself...
- 1
Who is the person you trust the most, and why?
- 2
When did someone last help you when you needed it?
- 3
When did you help someone else, and who was it?
- 4
Which group or which people make you feel truly good?
- 5
What would you do if you saw a classmate who was completely alone in class?